Title    : A More Effective Manager
Original : A More Humane Mikado
Group    : Gilbert & Sullivan
Author   : 
Intro    : 
Song     : 

                    A More Effective Manager


              (to the tune of A More Humane Mikado
            from Gilbert & Sullivan's "The Mikado".)
                         by Brad Needham


                                           1
     A more effective manager never did LDP  produce.
     For months, I've been hearing top management jeering
     each schedule we introduce
     for every schedule ever written has slipped to varied
        extents.
     This grave disaster I soon will master
     by jailing incompetents.

     Chorus:
     Their punishment, all sublime, embodies this paradigm:
     to let the schedule fit the time
            the schedule fit the time
     and make each estimate consequently necessitate
     the thing's completion upon the date
                 completion upon the date.

     The furniture mover erratically shuffling causing
        confusion and fuss:
     we'll move his apartment into a compartment
     aboard an interstate bus.

     Committees deliberate, morning to evening,
        implementation details.
     They're found in loud bunches debating their hunches
     on what "loosely-coupled" entails.

     The marketing zealot who preannounces each technological
        leap
     shall find that his peers preannounced by three years
     the hotel where he's scheduled to sleep.

     The assembly-line hacker whose constant rewriting
        annihilates his afternoons
     shall find his job usurped by a mob
     of hyperactive baboons.

     (Chorus)

     The jargon speaker is trapped by his fellows who never
        use english too much.
     They utter most freely pig-latin, swahili,
     chinese, esperanto, and dutch.

     The seeming dyslexic who disregards documents over one
        page and a-half
     is jailed where he grovels interpreting novels
     transmitted by telegraph.

     The man-month thinker who adds more bodies the later a
        project becomes
     to keep working faster must, each morning, master
     an extra set of thumbs.

     The fellow whose schedules never consider that murphy's
        spirit intrudes
     is placed where he begs to boil "three-minute" eggs
     at very high altitudes.

     (Chorus)

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